The Abundant Applications of Weasel Technology.
If you saw a weasel running down the street, odds are your reaction would be little more then “Huh, that’s different.” It is difficult for me to think of a place where a persons reaction would be terribly different. Even should you encounter one on the oceans floor, or Mars, I suspect by the time you realized you had just seen a creature in a place it couldn't possibly survive, it would already be gone. The quick, agile little critters are also capable of sneaking in through the smallest openings. My proposal is quite simple, I want money to fund a research project to design robotic explosive weasels.
This may seem an unusual idea, but few know that our government actually developed a bat bomb during WWII. These bat bombs were incendiary devices attached to living bats. At least with my idea no real animals are harmed. Beyond that, my idea is very similar, albeit much easier to use in the civilian sector.
The applications of my weasel technology are abundant, especially if they were designed to be modular. Warfare would not only be safer for American citizens, it would also finally be cute! Imagine a platoon of robotic machine-gun weasels advancing on the battlefield. By the time the enemy realized they were being attacked by hundreds of weasels, the weasels could be in their camp. Robotic Weasels would present a much smaller target, about the size of a mans head, and thus be considerably more difficult to hit.
With proper use, the psychological effect could prevent the loss of human life on both sides. Say the weasels infiltrate the enemy camp, then simultaneously hundreds of robotic weasels broadcast a message to surrender, or "face a horrible 'splody death." Should they refuse, well you do have hundreds of bombs inside their base. Whatsmore, nuclear weapons can now be built roughly weasel-sized. What weapon could possibly be more effective then a tactical thermo-nuclear weasel? It could be made to give the enemy leader a hug, or an enema, before exploding. This would allow us to end a war with a single bomb, thus saving hundreds of thousands of lives.
Perhaps the most common response I get to this proposal is that we already have enough instruments of death. Currently our government is spending more money annually to develop devices of murder then they spend on things such as medical care, or education for our youth. Could our money not be better spent healing those who are hurt by currently existing weapons? A comprehensive government program to halt diseases, such as aids and cancer, would be far more useful then any number of weapons. Perhaps we could attempt to fix our obviously failing educational system?
Once weasel technology is in place, it can be easily converted to fulfill more egalitarian purposes. Demolitions would much more entertaining. Imagine, hundreds of weasels swarm a building, and within minutes the building explodes. What school, or library wouldn't want a dozen or so robotic flame-suppressant weasels? We could use tazer weasels to keep police out of harms way, and quickly end hostage situations without the loss of human life. Robotic rescue weasels would have been invaluable in the wake of 9/11. They could have saved many lives by searching the ruins and setting off signals when they found a survivor buried.
As you no doubt can see, robotic weasels have many uses. Military applications are the most abundant, but the technology could also save many lives. So if you think that war should be conducted by cute robotic weasels, and that our soldiers should stay out of harms way, please give generously. I am currently accepting donations of any size. Thank you in advance for whatever donations you see fit.
If you saw a weasel running down the street, odds are your reaction would be little more then “Huh, that’s different.” It is difficult for me to think of a place where a persons reaction would be terribly different. Even should you encounter one on the oceans floor, or Mars, I suspect by the time you realized you had just seen a creature in a place it couldn't possibly survive, it would already be gone. The quick, agile little critters are also capable of sneaking in through the smallest openings. My proposal is quite simple, I want money to fund a research project to design robotic explosive weasels.
This may seem an unusual idea, but few know that our government actually developed a bat bomb during WWII. These bat bombs were incendiary devices attached to living bats. At least with my idea no real animals are harmed. Beyond that, my idea is very similar, albeit much easier to use in the civilian sector.
The applications of my weasel technology are abundant, especially if they were designed to be modular. Warfare would not only be safer for American citizens, it would also finally be cute! Imagine a platoon of robotic machine-gun weasels advancing on the battlefield. By the time the enemy realized they were being attacked by hundreds of weasels, the weasels could be in their camp. Robotic Weasels would present a much smaller target, about the size of a mans head, and thus be considerably more difficult to hit.
With proper use, the psychological effect could prevent the loss of human life on both sides. Say the weasels infiltrate the enemy camp, then simultaneously hundreds of robotic weasels broadcast a message to surrender, or "face a horrible 'splody death." Should they refuse, well you do have hundreds of bombs inside their base. Whatsmore, nuclear weapons can now be built roughly weasel-sized. What weapon could possibly be more effective then a tactical thermo-nuclear weasel? It could be made to give the enemy leader a hug, or an enema, before exploding. This would allow us to end a war with a single bomb, thus saving hundreds of thousands of lives.
Perhaps the most common response I get to this proposal is that we already have enough instruments of death. Currently our government is spending more money annually to develop devices of murder then they spend on things such as medical care, or education for our youth. Could our money not be better spent healing those who are hurt by currently existing weapons? A comprehensive government program to halt diseases, such as aids and cancer, would be far more useful then any number of weapons. Perhaps we could attempt to fix our obviously failing educational system?
Once weasel technology is in place, it can be easily converted to fulfill more egalitarian purposes. Demolitions would much more entertaining. Imagine, hundreds of weasels swarm a building, and within minutes the building explodes. What school, or library wouldn't want a dozen or so robotic flame-suppressant weasels? We could use tazer weasels to keep police out of harms way, and quickly end hostage situations without the loss of human life. Robotic rescue weasels would have been invaluable in the wake of 9/11. They could have saved many lives by searching the ruins and setting off signals when they found a survivor buried.
As you no doubt can see, robotic weasels have many uses. Military applications are the most abundant, but the technology could also save many lives. So if you think that war should be conducted by cute robotic weasels, and that our soldiers should stay out of harms way, please give generously. I am currently accepting donations of any size. Thank you in advance for whatever donations you see fit.
1 comment:
Steve, look in the "Katy lady-we're having a baby", blog. I mistakenly hit the wrong button and left one there regarding this essay. Sorry about that.
-- Gunnar
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